Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Being sick is scary because, you don't ever know if you are getting better or worse. At least that's how it goes for me. See, I get very bad pain when I hurt, so I need to take more pills then the usual amount. I've almost always taken more...but now I'm thinking, maybe I made myself sick by taking them. I think my liver is failing, and my mom doesn't want to bring me to a hospital. There's no way I'm going alone, especially to a hospital...She took me to a chinese medicine man, he was pretty amazing, but the stuff he gave me is disgusting, and it feels like it doesn't work. I wish I could talk to someone, well, I do talk to people, but when I talk to them I expect them to change me somehow...and it never works. People say they want to help, but maybe nobody but myself can help me...and what if I don't want to help myself? Life is scary, I just wish I had someone there to tell me it will be worth it...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
I'm happy when I'm sleeping. I dream the best dream, the kinds that only happens when your eyes are closed. I like someone who I will never be able to be with, and he knows it. I admit sometimes I think I am the saddest and most lonely person on earth, but now that I think about it, I am not always sad, so it isn't true. I am alone, fighting for my life against myself. I never used to get what the grass seems greener on the other side meant, but I found out the other day..I mean, I knew what it meant, but I just didn't understand it. I feel exactly like that, well, sometimes. I love my mom. Sometimes we fight and I can't stand her, but the moments when we actually enjoy being together are worth everything. My real full blooded sister is amazing. She's got the coolest, and best, style, and I love her. I couldn't ask for a better family, I really couldn't. I love my friends! My best friend's nickname is Dadi..and she is amazing:) haha, she doesn't always get me, and we fight a lot, but I couldn't ask for a better friend. My not so close friend anymore but still great friend, Troshian condoms :p hahaha, she is amazing. I'm glad I got to meet her, and be close to her, even if it was for only a year or so. I can talk to her about anything and everything without getting judged, and feeling a lot better at the end of the conversation. My new member of the friendship, Dalilama. She is great! I love hanging out with her, even though we haven't in a while:( We are always busy...but we see and hang out at school, I met her this year, and she is great. Ohh, the man I've got a crush on, he makes me stoked to see him:) He's awesome, at life, at peace, at being friends, at hugging AND highfiving! haha...He's an amazing rapper, and great beatboxer and just, amazing. He's got the most beautiful eyes in the world. I believe this one I am about to mention is the newest in my life, Dinorawr. I fell in love with him the day I met him, and not in a creeper freakish way...In a friendly way. He is great, and even though I tell him that a lot, I don't think he gets it. I'm sure he will get very far in life, he's super smart. He's great at drumming, even though I only heard him play once. He's everything girls look for in guys, he's a great friend too:) I have to say, Vancouver has made me happy. I live in Richmond, it's quite a depressing place for me, but once I started going to Vancouver, especially granville street, I saw the light in my darkness, but I don't know if it's bright enough for me to follow. The hardest thing for me to do is leave it, I don't want to. I met so many great people here, it's my home, and always will be. I love you guys and gals, don't ever forget that, or me<3